just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize