When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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