new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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