What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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