I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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