Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
