I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
