oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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