Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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