i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
