You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
