This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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