my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
