I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
