i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
