The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize