I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
