chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
