Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
