I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
