You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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