So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
