She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
