She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Its about making memories worth repressing
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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