I have demons in me.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize