Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My liver just broke up with me...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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