Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
