Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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