he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
