Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
