if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
