I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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