um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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