its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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