ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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