I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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