also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
