Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm like, not good at living.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
