I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
3 2 1 whiskey
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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