there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm like, not good at living.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize