She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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