I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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