Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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