Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize