WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
