The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He passed out mid-signature
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
