apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
