Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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