we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
