a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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