We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
