I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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