Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize