A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
