I am in a vortex of obligation.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
