He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
