If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Sober January is a disaster.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize