4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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