I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize