I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
