hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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