I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
