I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize