It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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