i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
