We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
